


Trappings

by esama



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Dress Up, F/M, Going Under Cover, Partial Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 18:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12216066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esama/pseuds/esama
Summary: Obi-Wan goes under cover and Anakin goes frompfft yestooh kriff noat record speed.





	Trappings

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed  
> Prompt fic, prompt by necer0s on tumblr; Padme is all out of handmaidens to disguise themselves as the queen, Obi-wan has to do it instead.

"I am not objecting," Obi-Wan says slowly.

"You are though," Anakin comments.

"No, I am not," Obi-Wan says very clearly. "I just want to make my thoughts on the matter known. I will do this I will put my best efforts to getting this right and I am not complaining or objecting but I want it known that –"

"That you have both objections and complaints," Anakin says.

Obi-Wan glares at him.

"Of the Jedi Order, you know Padmé the best – and you have most acting expertise," Anakin points out. "And that – Rako Hardeen business –"

"Anakin, are you still –"

" _Yes_ , I'm still –" Anakin starts, stops, sighs and then continues. "I'd do it myself, but I'm needed to accompany Padmé. Everyone there knows Padmé is going with me – I mean, I'm going with her. Either way. It has to be someone else and it someone who knows her well enough to act the part. And it has to be human, otherwise I'd had Snips do it."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan says. "Was I complaining?"

"Yes," Anakin points out. "You were. You have _apprehensions_. I was just trying to make clear why –"

"I know why," Obi-Wan snaps. "I just want it known that I am very uncomfortable with this. And I have a bad feeling about this."

Anakin waits a beat, eyebrows arched, arms folded.

Obi-Wan nods with satisfaction, turns and walks to the laboratory.

Anakin draws a breath and then releases it slowly. Then he stands there resolutely, waiting to see the final results. And yes, there is maybe a small part of him that's a feeling a little bit of vindictive pleasure about this – and _yes_ he's still a little bit pissed off about the whole Rako Hardeen business, and putting Obi-Wan through this – not that this had been his idea or anything – is maybe giving him some small satisfaction and –

And then Obi-Wan starts shouting in pain as the technicians begin the transformation.

Anakin winces. Well. There goes that moment of triumph.

Thank _somebody_ it doesn't last for long. Maybe twenty seconds at most, probably a little less. It feels longer.

It takes another few minutes before Obi-Wan re-emerges – or rather, Padmé does, wearing Obi-Wan's clothes, her hair short and in Obi-wan's hair cut.

For a moment Anakin stares at her – him – and thinks _oh no_. It had been kind of hilarious before – serious, because they were after an assassin here, but definitely hilarious. But before he'd still imagined it being Obi-Wan, wearing Padmé's elaborate dresses, her complicated hair pieces and it had been funny.

But instead its Padmé wearing Obi-Wan's and Anakin isn't entirely sure how to react to that. And yes, it's still Obi-Wan under her face, and yet... it's her face. And it's not funny at all.

"… phew," Anakin murmurs, more than a little weirded out now.

"What," Obi-Wan asks, irritable, in his own voice which coming from Padmé's face is... even weirder.

"I was for a moment worried there I'd get to see senator Amidala with a beard," Anakin says and looks away, swallowing. Oh, damn, what if he know couldn't look at Padmé without hearing and seeing Obi-Wan?

Damnit, he hadn't thought this through properly.

Obi-Wan scoffs – Anakin can hear it, more than see it, because he's not going to look at him anymore, it's too weird. "You almost saw her bald," Obi-Wan answers and runs a hand over his – her – chin and then winces. "Thankfully her wigs can go over my hair."

"I don't know," Anakin says, inching away a little. "It might get in the way; we're going to have to ask Sabé. She's gonna be getting you dressed up. In a dress," he feels necessary to point out because, yes, return to the hilariousness, please, before this completely messes up his sex life.

"Right," Obi-Wan sighs. "Well, let's get over with it. Did you get that voice modulator activated?"

"It's set and ready for your throat," Anakin says – and winces.

"Let's get this over with, then," Obi-Wan says and heads off – and when he turns away, he doesn't look like Padmé anymore, which is a relief, except...

Except there is Sabé, waiting with a set of elaborate hair pieces and dresses, all with high neck to hide Obi-Wan's throat – much thicker and manlier than Padmé's obviously, never mind the Adam's apple. And Obi-Wan has Padmé's face. Soon he would have her trappings too.

Soon, he'd be physically indistinguishable from her – which is the point, after all. And yet...

"Let's – leave that for after," Obi-Wan says, looking at the voice modulator. "Wearing those things _stings_ and I don't think you want me squirming for dress up."

"No, that would ruin your make up," Sabé says, smiling a little behind her hand.

Obi-Wan sighs, looks at the ceiling for a moment, looks utterly completely _alien_ with Padmé's face. Then he starts to strip.

Anakin stares for a moment.

Then, in some weird mixture of _reflexive appreciation_ and _oh no please no_ turns quickly away. Because if Obi-wan's hair and voice are bad enough – seeing his body on Padmé is worse. Or seeing Padmé on his body. One or the other. It's bad anyway.

Oh Force this is going to utterly ruin him, isn't it.

"All of it, please," Sabé says.

"Sabé," Obi-Wan says somewhat plaintively. "Allow me some dignity, please."

"I'm afraid it will ruin the cut of the dress, Master Kenobi," Sabé says, entirely unapologetic and shameless. "All of it must go."

Anakin runs a hand over his face, and very resolutely doesn't imagine it.

Clothing shifts and Obi-Wan sighs, and Sabé, the professional she is, doesn't comment or giggle or anything of the sort. Her amusement – and slight _appreciation_ – is ringing in the Force though.

Anakin smothers a whimper and clears his throat. "Do you know how to dance the Naboo waltz?" he asks.

"I'm sure if necessary I can improvise – but no, I don't," Obi-Wan admits.

"Padmé is expected to open the dance – and she knows the dance. You're going to have to learn," Anakin says and checks his arm guard for the time. "In the next four hours."

"Great," Obi-Wan answers. "Just what I need, dancing in clothes I don't know."

"Turn, please," Sabé says, and clothing shifts. Obi-Wan lets out a slight _umph_ and then breathes slowly, laboriously.

"Is this absolutely necessary?" Obi-Wan asks. "The idea is that I will be able to fight – this will restrict my movement. Never mind my _breathing_ , oh –"

"I will leave it as loose as I can – but it is necessary to help dress clothes sit right," Sabé says and adds, disapproving, "and Senator Amidala's clothes _always_ sit right."

"Very well – just, please, loosen it some..."

Anakin glances over his shoulder and then looks away. Sabé just put a corset-thing on his Master. Who is naked. And wearing Padmé's face. Anakin looks away, breathes in, breathes out, and releases his feelings into the Force.

 _Doomed_ , he thinks.

"Anything else I should know?" Obi-Wan asks, as more cloth shifts and ruffles, muffling his voice for a moment.

"Million things we don't have the time for," Anakin says and closes his eyes – this isn't funny anymore, this has stopped being funny, oh why did he ever suggest this... "You'll have an ear piece and Padmé will talk you through all the actual interactions, so we're covered there, but you will need to do the mannerisms right."

"Some diction there too, I hope," Obi-Wan says.

"The clothing will put you in right posture," Sabé says. "Well, you already have similar posture, so it's not so difficult – but you out your chest out too much.

"I do what – oh," Obi-Wan says faintly. "Surely not."

"I'm afraid so," Sabé says, now with hint of amusement on her voice. "You are trying to pass for a woman, master Kenobi. Women are formed differently."

Anakin is not going to look.

"I thought the clothing would – "

"The clothing sit right when the body under them fits them right," Sabé says plainly.

Obi-Wan sighs, even heavier. "Very well."

Anakin looks.

He both regrets it instantly and is relieved that at least now Obi-Wan looks less like Obi-wan so it isn't quite so terrible, except yes it is, it definitely is, why did he look.

"I am going to have nightmares," Anakin says faintly and he will too. They will be about Padmé with Obi-Wan's face and Obi-Wan with fake breasts. And they will slay him dead.

"You be quiet," Obi-Wan says flatly. "And turn around."

Happily Anakin does just that.

He keeps seeing it though. Well at least the under skirt hid the – well.

_Fuck._

More clothes shifting, and then the heavy sound of the actual dress being taken off the mannequin it was sitting on. Obi-Wan breathes noisily but gets to it, his movements muffled under the heavy fabric for a moment, with Sabé directing him with – "No, no, your elbow through here – careful, Master Kenobi, you'll stretch the fabric..."

"Imagine having to put this much thought your appearance every single day," Obi-Wan murmurs.

"I'm sorry, how long do you spend in the fresher trimming your beard?" Anakin asks, and he keeps his eyes firmly shut when he leans as if to glance over his shoulder.

"How long do you spend shaving yours?" Obi-Wan answers in turn.

More clothing ruffling, as Sabé adjusts the dress. It takes a few minutes – which is really something. It usually takes Padmé up to two hours to get dressed in all the formal stuff.  "We'll do make up next," Sabé says. "After that, the collar and then the hair."

"Very well," Obi-Wan agrees. "I don't suppose I can sit down with this thing?"

"Here, I'll show you," Sabé says.

"Are you decent now?" Anakin asks, not looking.

"Yes, Anakin, I'm – decent," Obi-Wan sighs and Anakin risks a look.

He is decent. He's wearing one of Padmé's more elaborate dresses, a light brown get up with golden accents and enough volume to hide the more masculine figure it is on right now. It is a little tight around the waist, but it's not terribly noticeable thanks to how large the sleeves are.

Obi-Wan looks like Padmé Amidala... with Obi-Wan's hair.

"This is so weird," Anakin finally says out loud.

The look Obi-Wan – Padmé? Padmé-Wan? – gives him speaks volumes. Long, loud volumes full of some cutting words. "This," Obi-Wan says – Padmé says, in Obi-Wan's voice, "was your plan."

"I regret everything," Anakin says with a heavy sigh. "It's a good plan though. You're Jedi, you know her pretty well and just about her height too. You're perfect for the job. It's a great plan."

It's a _terrible_ plan.

Obi-Wan just shakes his – Padmé's – head. "Let's get on with it," he says, turning resignedly to Sabé, who is waiting with array of make up products.

"Be glad that she isn't a Queen anymore, Master Kenobi," Sabé says with a mild smile. "If she was, I'd have to paint your face in full."

"A great relief, yes," Obi-Wan agrees and sits still for the process.

This is to save Padmé's life, Anakin thinks. This is going to save Padmé's life, this is all to protect her.

He was never going to shake the memory of Obi-Wan speaking through her mouth though. And it is _beyond_ disturbing to look at him – her- and know that he knows what those lips feel like and know that it's Obi-Wan under them right now.

Anakin looks away for a moment, re-centring himself as best as he can. Except he can't because the man who is pretty much his _father_ is wearing his wife's face and her clothes and, and – oh Force, he is _ruined_ , utterly _ruined_.

Who in their right minds put him in charge of making plans for a stealth mission, he can't make plans for stealth missions, his plans for stealth missions are the worst.

And then Sabé starts painting Obi-Wan's lips.

Anakin runs a hand over his face and tries not to whimper.

**Author's Note:**

> RIP Anakin's ability to boner ever again.


End file.
